Just by reading the title you think in your head exactly what someone would look like fitting the description of “Mom/wife/addict/survivor/fully devoted to christ” . So what did you picture? Brown hair or blonde .. maybe red hair??? Maybe you pictured dark circles under her eyes? .. I mean let’s admit mom , wife, recovering addict = super dark circles! .. A complete wreck wrestling over drugs and God? A strong lady in her late 40s or a young driven girl in her mid 20s? You could have me perfectly pictured in your mind right now. Maybe you will find out as you read on that you picked up on who I am and what I look like by the title perfectly! How you have me pictured might include not only physical features but also you may already have in your head exactly what type of person I am. Even more so, if you have known a addict or are a recovering addict your self , if you are one of those people maybe you are thinking I am on a “pink cloud” or you could be passing alot of judgement.
Well .. that image you have created please wipe it completley clean imagine a clean canvas , almost as if you are watching God create me right in front of you. Our amazing God made me just like he made you , your kids, the neighbors that make alot of noise, that one coworker, your husband you adore, your ex that you.. well that you don’t adore and all other humans. Before we all were even thought of he knew exactly who we would be , what we would do, where we would end up and what we would look like. He filled our bodies with these extremely detailed organs that all work together , doing exactly what the organ is supposed to do , when it is supposed to do it. It is amazing when you think about it, really! So I started at the same place as you.. being thought of in God’s heart , then created by his hands. Now leave that empty image of me right like that..that image that is full of what God did to make my image but with none of what other people (not God) have labeled and the titles that come along with my choices, both my good and bad choices.
You see a clean beautiful work of God, gods masterpiece, the human body with out any marks from sin. No labels, no judgement. This is how God sees us when we are born again. What a blessing, praise Jesus!!!
Now going into this please take me as I am. I am a creation of God, I still struggle with the temptation of the flesh and the very real enemy. Everyday I grow closer to Jesus, everyday I hear the holy spirit a little clearer and learn to yield to it just a little bit more ..these blogs are just my everyday raw, emotional, real things I go through. Sometimes it might be how with the help of my relationship with Jesus, I am finding healing from past domestic violence and how I am trying to get my son the healing he needs from dealing with watching this abuse and the unknown that happens during the unsupervised visits my ex was just granted with my son. Or the court struggles with getting the protection order renewed , how do you let your son around someone you know is capable of such violence. How I listen to God for these answers. It might be simple issues about how overwhelming it can be to be a mother and how sometimes I struggle to let Jesus give me peace. I will talk about my hurdles and falls in my personal relationship with my savior. It might be talking about new things that help me draw to God and not herion. It wll also include things about spiritual warfare, the spiritual realm and things revealed to me through the word of God. I promise to you that all I say I will always try to be as on point as I can with biblical truth and please please please let me know if I am not .. I want to glorify God, not lead people astray.
So I am inviting you on this journey, some days may be better than others and my grammar may never be good … but I am here because I feel the Lord calling me to be here and I feel you are here reading this for a reason as well .. so welcome!.