Feeding Christ or the devil

let me start by saying last year I had a blog that I wrote maybe 5 of 6 entries on this same site and username. This was one of my blogs from that time but I still feel it’s so relevant. So enjoy.

I have had my fair share of unknowingly submitting to Satan’s lies and deceptions. Then what started with me unknowingly submitting to his lies , turned into me knowingly doing so because I did not have the confidence, coping skills, self control or relationship  with (or even knowledge of) Christ. The things I struggled with the most was my addiction to opiates or just my mind being altered in some way , my people pleasing/approval seeking (not talking about gods approval either) , and my insecurites/ low self esteem. Looking back I notice that the worse I was in these situation the more susceptible I was to listening to the Devils lies . When I thought the worst of my self it was really easy to believe “your worthless , no wonder why nobody loves you” or “well you already screwed up and lost pretty much everything whats one more call to the dope man going to do that it hasn’t done already.” It is kind of like the thing where the more you feed something the bigger it will get. Then more you feed your sin life the bigger it will get.

The first change in any of those situations was the hardest. The first time I had to deal with life on lifes terms while trying to live sober, seeking gods approval not man or seeing my self as gods creation not something so horrible. The first situation that felt less than amazing. Boom . It was like everything I had a mind set to change would disappear. It is hard to stand firm against temptations when you have been getting instant gratification for so long,  or so I thought .. really I was just giving myself pity, numbness and more problems to react this same exact way too as soon as the consequences came up. But the first time I said no i will not fall into this temptation and pressed through , stood firm, I got that little bit of sense of accomplishment, that little gold star on my little chart in my head. The only time I personally was ever able to stand firm was once I was saved and blessed with the Holy Spirit . I had no idea I even had some of the issues to even begin stand firm against the temptation from the enemy. They Holy Spirit really led me on the path towards deliverance. Without knowing I was being tempted how was so I supposed to refrain from doing so. I really believed the way I thought about my self , everyone thought that way about them selves . It was normal. The feeling of not being able to socialize with out having my mind altered , heck not only socialize but get up in the morning, work , go to sleep at night, be a functioning human, with out having my mind altered was normal. Everyone wanted to have it and just couldn’t because they were on probation, never experienced it , or were some super human Betty crocker wonder woman type people. If they didn’t fall under than category in my head they were on drugs and hiding it. Then I got to know Jesus and I realized all of those were lies to help validate my own guilty feelings. I can live a good life with out being told I was pretty, loved, needed, or other compliments, with out having my mind altered by substances but transforming it by a relationship with Jesus. Every temptation that I stood firm against the more aware I was of the revelation. It was like every time a little more fog was lifted from my demented vision of how I saw reality . The more I fed my faith the more it grew. The more I fed standing firm against the enemy , the more I stood firm. Also it was like having 1o pieces of candy, if I gave 8 to temptation I only had 2 to give to my faith. I couldn’t grow in Christ with out “giving him more of my candy” and less to the enemy. Not only that but it seemed like when I gave my candy to temptation there was interest charged , like a payday loan, and even though I wanted to give all my candy next time to Christ , Satan already tried to take ownership of some of that candy. That’s when  you have to read the candy manual … the fine print.. and you find out you don’t have to keep giving him your candy and your being ripped off . Then you boldly say give me back my candy… but he already ate it .. so you make sure from now on he will get no more of it .. then Christ does the opposite instead of charging you interest he gives you back double what ever the enemy stole from you.. ok I took this candy thing way to far. This is when I have to stop and realize this is not my journal . Haha. It may be only a few people but people may read this haha.  Please come back to read more even after that dose of crazy.

Well I hope I gave you something in this , through Christ, that you can use for your life

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